Looking for solutions

Ever since the beginning of ICGT (International Center for the Gifted and Talented, Hong Kong), people came to us for the right solutions to their problems. These may be concerned with identification of intellectual functioning, interventions to address underachievement or unmet needs, interpersonal challenges, suboptimal development, untreated learning or mood issues impairing personal growth or relationship, college or career choice, coping with challenges in life transitions and the like.


Seriously, I learnt a lot from our clients. Not only did their issues urge our team to advance our knowledge, skills and personal growth, the on-going learning and reflection led us to become constantly alert.


Be alert to what exactly bothering the people to reach out for possible solutions.


My hunch is, people are not really able to tell what problems most bothering to them. The most common scenarios would be asking for professional advice to solve, like when, which, where and how to do something, like providing accommodation for supporting the exceptional needs of their children. In fact, the parents are not sure what support their kid and family need to overcome the fear, challenges or the like. Behind the solutions the clients appear to search for, there are other issues going on bothering them. Yet, people are not used to spending time on reflecting. What makes their life complete, what is the burning needs in their life, what is most satisfying or regretful to oneself.... These questions, once unattended for a long period of time, will give rise to other sets of problems bringing disproportional stress to us.


Are there solutions to ease the challenges of growing up gifted or bringing up the gifted? Yes and No. Yes, there are solutions to lots of problems commonly arise in raising up gifted children. No, there isn't a single solution out there that can give sustainable peace of mind to people. It is plainly because peace of mind doesn't come with solutions to certain problems. Peace of mind is a state of soul focusing on the most important thing in one's journey of life. The quality of solution is pretty much predicted by the quality of the problems we concern. If these problems are peripheral to the the most important concern of our inner self, any solutions we quest or reach will not bring any sustainable impact.


In the past ten years, I kept taking professional training programs for self advancement and career development. I thought I had developed a spectrum of sound solutions to tackle the questions or challenges commonly concerned with the functioning of the gifted in their learning and development in school, at home and with the wider community.


Interestingly, peace of mind or self contentment doesn't rest in finding the solutions to daily issues. The most fundamental thing is to be in touch with the blessing we are endowed since
our birth. Once that abundance of life became distant in our conscious mind, we shall be anxious about something missing and eager to identify that something. Of course, effort to find that something will be in vain.


I guess the most proactive way to solve our daily challenges is to keep at least 30% of our time to count how much blessing we have received that day, to say the least.

How it feels to have a stroke

密室維修

莉莉的密室
作者早早

昨天，莉莉提出密室可能爆渠，需要抽走「污水」；她
相信內裏未排污，情緒難以好轉。放是，我給她一條喉
放入密室吸水進行污。

今午見過莉莉，原來，舊患己過，污水不多。首先，暑
假失戀的傷口己不成問題，她說那負心狼對她影響很深
，災情慘如爆屎渠，現在爆定了，雖然嗅，但總算風乾
了。

新一輪危機在於病假期間想報讀一些遙距課程，怕承受
不了每日上網進修，一旦進度跟不上，心生內咎就會爆
渠。但父母又催她快點開始，無謂天天臥在家中讀武合
小說或砌拼圖，蹉跎歲月。莉莉唯有按兵不動，以不動
應防洪。

「非典型」解讀莉莉

莉莉的密室
作者早早

父母百思不得其解，越來越思疑女兒的思路和反應有別
於一般人，近年嘗試花多點時間瞭解她的需要，父母越

來越相信，培育莉莉之道，必先得放下一些既定的期望，

而轉用「非典型」的⻆度來解讀她的行為和想法，溝通

的捷徑是視彼此作「外星人」，切忌假設，溝通在乎完全

放下！

近月，因莉莉身體不好，母親常與她在早睡和冲涼問題
上起爭拗。且越演越烈。午夜交戰，疲累不堪，休戰之
餘母親求助外援。

首先，我讓她明白女兒固執起來有如面對一個百攻不破
的密室，莉莉本人也極可能不懂打開。強攻不下就得化
敵為友，與其雙方堅持下去弄得筋疲力盡，不如花多點
耐性敲敲門，問問所需爲何？如果裏面凌亂便提供協助
，遇上倒塌或洪水就施以援手。

失匙的密室

莉莉的密室
作者早早

莉莉一年前自修投考海外大學，每朝來CENTER自修。
這段歷程當然充滿挑戰，因為她每朝起床時間不定，
單單出門口，亦需要花相當時間弄清楚帶什麼，究竟
帶齊心中所想未呢？

帶漏怕後悔，帶足又嫌重！單單想一會己發幾次白日夢，

其間被人催促兩、三次，心中越加內咎，莉莉的情緒便

足以爆發，。不覺過了數十分鐘，未曾出門已消耗不少

能量。究竟是否有動力處理當天的大小任務？心情怎樣？

不一會莉莉已綑着一腦子疑團，每朝與它共舞！

還可作什麼？唯有笑，再笑，再笑多幾笑！

其實，莉莉並非能力平平，她原是個尖子名校尖子，凡

參與公開試，她經常節節領先。成績驕人兼麗質天生的

莉莉，見人就笑，誰知笑容背後，原來天外有天，人外

有人，難以想像的是莉莉腦內有密室，密室有門，可惜

不見門匙。

試問如何開啟？

見步行步

莉莉的密室
作者早早

受困於內心資料極為不足的狀況，莉莉難於多想幾步。

怎算好？唯有見步行步。久而久之，只好等｢運｣到。

對於個人的心思、意向和發展路向所知不深，自問無從
掌握。

所以，期望她準時赴約比較難。何解？其實一個人拿

不定主意，自然連出門口的心理準備也廢時失事。簡單

來說，單單想清楚當天有何當務之急已好不容易，再弄

清楚必備些什麼才可成事，免得出了門但要折返就誤時

了。一再思前想後，自然很難準時赴約。遲半天也不稀

奇！

《百物不侵》小密室

莉莉的密室
作者早早

近來，莉莉的氣管問題越來越嚴重，父母不斷叮囑她
早睡，但莉莉總是我行我素似的！母親尤其棘心，無
法明白女兒為何沒聽入耳，你有你說，她有她一套，
總之面不改容，忍不住罵她一頓，莉莉依然故我，似
乎《百物不侵》。

好一個《百物不侵》的莉莉小密室！我一面安撫她的
媽媽，一面解說破解密室之道。首先，某程度上莉莉
也是受害者，因為她對進駐內心的密室所知不多，很
多個人資料被它封鎖似的，例如情緒間中大上大落的
莉莉總難以捉摸背後因由，情緒爆發時如決堤洶湧，
欲想做好預防措施卻感事前訊號不足，每每災情慘重
時，才動手收拾殘局，想早一步防洪，很難！

莉莉的密室

莉莉的密室
作者早早

花了大半年時間，我才發現這個密室。它藏在莉莉的腦
袋，無形無象，奧妙神祕。

莉莉精闢數理科學，唯獨對自己的內心所知不多。例如
每晚不能肯定自己算不算肚餓，更無法當機立斷找些什
麽吃？她清楚睡前要先漱口，漱口後不應再吃東西，不
然口腔就會積聚牙垢膜，壞牙齒。由於她不確定還想吃
些什麼才算飽，不致夜半餓醒，她只好不去刷牙，一旦
想通了想吃些什麼才放心去刷牙，既然未刷牙就不應上
床睡覺。